I’M NOT THE MAN I WAS YESTERDAY

I still remember that cold night like it was yesterday…

Waking up in a panic as gun shots rang out in the neighborhood. I was startled as I was new to the area.. I remember looking at my alarm clock it was 5:30AM.  I’d never experienced anything like this before so I got up to prepare myself for the day.

As I stood in front of my bedroom mirror.

I realized the reflection I was staring at wasn’t me.

I mean physically it was but spiritually a stranger had taken over my body.

As I continued to look at the mirror more visualizations began to appear.

This was starting to get a little weird for me…

As I walked away to brush my teeth and wash my face I felt a cool breeze rush past me.

I turned around to see if I’d left the window open but to my surprise it was closed.

Upon returning to the mirror it was blurry for a moment then the image reappeared this time the image was a little more distorted than the first. Instead of the mirror showing who I thought I was at the time. It showed me who I really was and started to display all my reckless acts of behavior that I had ever displayed over time.

Meanwhile as I stood in front of the mirror I seen myself display acts of lying, cheating, deception, greed, and envy all tied together in one human soul.

No way this could be me I thought to myself…

Sadly, it was me..

Here I was watching myself in the mirror doing all these cruel things to the people I swore I loved the most. I couldn’t believe it was me.

What happened to the man I used to be???

God was supposed to be watching over me..

Where did I go wrong??

Maybe it was when I stopped speaking to him and placing my loyalty in the hands of those willing to give me what I wanted even when I wasn’t in need of anything.

I guess I forgot that God will provide when you are in need. He’s an on time God.

Then I remembered every human is vulnerable to evil and at some point and will be tested. It’s up to you if you will give in or not.

My heart started racing …

Mind started wandering…

So many changes taking place in my life now. New roads that are now open to me. yet with no direction.

Which way to go?

I’m trying to hold on to old things that have no value to me anymore. Giving time to things that didn’t deserve it and attention to those who didn’t need it. I was tuning out everything and everyone that I ever loved.

While trying to grasp on to new things..

I forgot to give my life to god

While trying to do right by my family and constantly letting them down I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t making it. I was always coming up short…

I stopped believing because the weight was becoming unbearable on my shoulders as a man..

I almost wanted to quit…

Then I remember that we don’t give up that’s for the weak and weary

we stand up and remember the sacrifices that he made.

Suddenly the mirror went blurry again..

Who is the other man in the mirror…

He looks like me..

A much more confident me.

He looks like a man who has now restored faith in his GOD.

Maybe just maybe, it’s me the man I’m now becoming.

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